Life Goal... Sick...

"... pray at all times in the Spirit..." Eph 6:18

It is easy for my heart to turn cold and indifferent to the many discouraging things happening to my loved ones, my colleagues, my students, my society, and in general the world around me when I am not walking in the Spirit. That is the time when I am self-consumed with how I look, how I feel, how stressed my own life is... the list goes on with all the 'I' centered narrow perspective about life. Fortunately, that is also the time when I realize my desperate need for God to be restored on the throne of my life.

How prone am I to forget the God "who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ" - Eph 1:3. I have lost sight that spiritual blessings from the Lord far supercedes the fulfillment that earthly blessings (such as good looks, slim bodyline, money, career accomplishments... etc) satisfies. As such, I have de-prioritized the affairs of the Lord to pursue my own agenda.

Recently, the goal of every Saturday morning run at MacR is to sight the 2km mark along the trek before I u-turn to return back to the starting point. Completing 4km is what I hope to sustain in my weekly running routine. Motivated by Lyr, the goal of every swim at the pool is to complete 40 laps (2km).

What's my goal/s as a woman then?

• To continue splurging on cosmetic investments of all the possible anti-aging/ anti-pigmentation products?
• To make quarterly investments on my crowning glory!?
• To fish the right husband and be deceived that I can settle down happily ever after like every fairy tale?
• To love the Lord with all my heart, with all my soul and with all my mind and feel defeated every time I attempt this feat with my own strength?

I used to know the model answer... it is not MY goal rather, God's goal. I do not belong to myself. I belong to Him.

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will." - Romans 12:1-3

In the movie Munich, Avena, a young and idealistic Mossad agent was assigned by the Israeli government to track down and eliminate the Palestinian terrorists responsible for the death of the 11 Israeli athletics in the 1972 Olympics in Munich, Germany. When he begun his mission, he believed in serving his country. However, he doubted his work and himself along the way of his bloody work. In short, to me, he started out strong working with a purpose. Sadly, he ended up lost, disillusioned and abandoned by his home country.

In this learning journey called 'Viv's Life', I long to start strong and end equally strong. How? Will doing and obeying the will of God ensure nothing goes wrong? I don't know. All I know is that it is a worthy game where the stakes are much more attractive than what all the integrated resorts of this world combined can offer.

The last time I visited Dr Kao's clinic was last July. Back then, I was ending my contract teaching stint in BRPS. I visited a Dr (Mdm) Loh this morning. This time, I had barely started my teaching practicum still at BRPS. I wondered whether Mdm Loh is Dr Kao's wife. Who says partners in a joint venture need to be related anyway? I am sick! I really am - flu and sore throat. The same aliments I suffered the last time. Is it due Saturday's spicy Peranakan food or Sunday morning's Ah Tong laksa that I greedily drowned in? I don't know. I only pray that God would heal my throat fast so that I return back to work tomorrow.